Aaand this is why I'm still on Facebook

Because even though it's about a 764:1 ratio of LAME to GEM status updates, the gems make deactivating my account impossible.

Exhibit:

"Need a more exact measure of how powerful your car is? Change Horsepower (Hp) to hamsterpower (hp). 1Hp = 3584hp. My car = 804608 hp."

The epicness is directly related to how mum I must remain

SO many things to say, and SO much restraint required!

Let's just say my life has drastically taken a turn for the amazing within a matter of days...but we are still on the brink of even more epic so stay tuned. (SORRY).

But I will say:
I feel insanely blessed and lucky.
I can't concentrate in school.
I want to shed tears of glee on occasion.


No, this is not about a boy, you sillies. But don't worry, I still actively stalk lifeguard on Facebook just for a little fix now and then, whenever his sister (who friended ME) uploads another bajillion photos (she's one of those)... and they just creep up on The Feed, I CAN'T HELP IT. Sidenote: It hit me the other day, I'm only facebook friends with one person I've kissed (and it's not Lifeguard). THAT is funny...possibly speaks volumes. Meh, ANYWAY.


I WILL have you know I got invited to a simple summer pool party ...at first mention at a Bees game last week... but no, I should have know, this same hilarious friend (who is extremely self-consumed, not to mention very into his bromantic relationships & he was rude to my friend Aly one semester (shenanigans-Vanessa Carlton music got us through))...created the followin description:

"My Super Sweet Sixteen (Now that we have your attention...)"

Gorgeous people. White Collar Crime/Insider Trading with Martha Stewart. Hunting Baby White Rhinos. Laughing at the Myth of a "Recession." Swimming in Scrooge McDuck's Money (and/or water). Sipping Crystal (Light). Calling Zach Morris "Preppy." Veneer Whiteness Contest. Yacht/Sailing Knot Tying Seminar. Endangered tigers. Ice Sculptures made from the frozen tears of 30 extinct species. Valet Parking provided, as well as a coat check where you may leave all furs/baby seal pelts.

Anybody who doesn't come... is stealing your money via communism.

(I was on the floor...Respect M.B.)

I RSVP'ed saying that I only show up for Snow Leopards, not 'endangered tigers'- how bourgeoise!!

Methuselah

Three amazing things about today.

1) Advertising FAIL by Lagoon Waterpark.
Um, yeah. Their background sound in their radio ad is "The Bomb" by Bittersweet- the same as the Lipstick Jungle intro song, a show I liked because it was a less explicit but still naughty, more career-oriented version of SATC. So how did Lagoon advertisers mix that with white bread tankini'ed Mormons riding a Splash Mountain log flume equivalent? Uhhh...

2) My dad and I were at Starbucks once and after placing our order (probably for decaf mochas), the barista asked him "Can I get a name?"

"A name? Or MY name?" my dad asked, obviously in a smart ass mood. He often considers life a big joke that everyone else is not clued into.

"Just...a name," the barista hurriedly replied, hovering over the white cup with her Sharpie.

"Oh, ok. METHUSELAH." He turned to me, "What? It was the oldest-living person in the Bible!"

"Can you spell that?"


So there I was in Starbucks circa age 15 with my dad unaware of how mortified I was of him with the name "Methuselah" inked in black, wrapping halfway around the stark white cup.

Quintessential hilarious Henry. Thanks for making me have a solid 5 minute moment in class today stifling laughter thinking of this.


3) I am ever so grateful for friends who are not afraid of confrontation, who fearlessly bring their issues to the table and work out problems like adults. Yep.

That's all.

How to clean a white Mac computer

So guys, my friend Emily (we called her E Diddy back in the day when we made a rap music video. I was Ludalex, don't worry.) shared some VALUABLE information on her blog and I am going to re-share here because this issue has bothered me since I got my white MacBook three years ago and Apple Store was clueless on how to clean or maybe their cleaner was expensive or whatever.

Behold, the products of champions, found at Target:

For the white keyboard, screen frame, mousepad, etc,
Mr. Clean Magic Eraser 2-in-1 DUO

For the screen, Windex Original wipes

I just cleaned mine and am GIDDY with glee.

You will thank me later!

Taking the Peter Pan Complex to new heights

Tender group shot. How naive we were to the awaiting nausea...

I attempted to mask how petrified I was with a gigantic smile and laughing really hard the entire plane ride.
Also, on the way up, they kept opening the door to get a rise out of me, but that un-appreciation was not captured on film haha.
Also, Luman is on the verge of a seizure, and Andrew is about to rip that rope off.

One of my favorite pictures of me ever taken. LOL.

Also I was not briefed on how NAUSEOUS I would be mid air, after the chute was pulled, and as you swirl down. What the heck! Well, I guess I did have the wind knocked out of me.

I felt SO sick...

And of course, shout out to the birthday girl. We HAD to go on her birthday so she could get a free shirt. What a princess. Happy 24th Lumanizer!

Her guide jumps barefoot. Awesome.

Simple things missed

TIDE Detergent...

A clothes DRYER...

shrinking quads (and appetite) now that I'm not biking 20K a day- plus in headwind...

a little SNL on Hulu... as I sit in my living room hearing the majestic waves crash not more than 20 feet from me.


Things are stellar right now.



And I really have NO idea how people like Val do it.
Mangoes? YES. Bucket showers? Um...

I sometimes feel guilty I am not as brave or self-less. Send her some congrats.

"...per capita"

My friend on my New Zealand trip lived in Hawaii a few years ago...

Such a crack up, always came over to our house to play 'Pork and Beans' on the guitar. As much as that dang song was constantly in my head the last few weeks of NZ, I miss that kid.


He also had some great pearls of wisdom for my upcoming Hawaiian long vacation. Including, and certainly not limited to:

"The requirements for a good day: good food, good company, good weather, good surf - they are all fulfilled in Hawaii."

"You have to promise me you will listen to Bob Marley every day, as it will greatly enhance your experience."

"Hawaiians probably wear the least amount of clothes per capita." HAHA.


All duly noted.

The Kiwi rub-off and some cliche epiphanies

New Zealand is a really good place to let go ... let go of anger, bitterness, regret, vengeance, and the like... tolerance is our only hope in this world. love our only vehicle.

I am filled with so much love for everyone and to anyone I may have wronged in the slightest, I am sorry.

So much indescribable clarity... (Yes, I'm just shirking the opportunity to explain, but really, the attempt would be unfair).

I wish I could sum all this up...blogging used to be a place for me to outlet some intense boredom, but now that I am just encircled with fun and nonsense, it seems to be an after thought.

In short, I'm so grateful for New Zealand for nursing me back to happiness. And I feel privileged that you would take time to read these thoughts of mine, to stick with me through good and bad times.

Nonsense between and after our movie double feature. nonsense, I tell you. nonsense.

I wouldn't have Neverland any other way!

I am grateful for you.

An open letter to those I have 'left'

I'm talking about being a leaver, as in de-'following' peoples' blogs.

I'm in the process of consolidating my google accounts. Exporting this, importing that yadda yadda yadda.

Which brings me to my next topic du jour:

Although I can import the content of this blog to another account, I have to create a new blog URL in which to host it. So, ideas?

The first qualification is that it must be clever. And I know I have some clever readers....

I still don't have a shtick in mind, because blogging is not my life obvi...and it's hard to top 'sensationalism.'

Basically, it has to be something that can explain why I talk about Turkey and their UN bid AND Justin Bieber (i'm a tell you one time, please show me my worth in your infinite prepubescent wisdom, and stay strong when your voice changes - you don't want to slip down the tragic road that is Aaron Carter) in the same forum.

I created the blog title for my dear friend Kristine whose nickname is "Teen"- I came up with existeentialist ... probably one of the greater things I have done in the name of blogger.

Lofty, I know... I am anxious to hear your suggestions...

Neverland update: we roadtripped to Dunedin and some local hotties called out to my blonde roommate "We love you Ke$ha!"
She loved it.

CHEERS!

Foreign Babes in Beijing

Found this post - a sort of book review - I drafted from a while back and I thought I'd get over my hangups of potential further embellishment and polishing...and just publish.

(My NYU summer school '08 professor Betty Liu's voice rings in my head often, "Condensing is an art form!" She is one who encouraged me to publish this...here I am, months later!)

My friend Al lent Foreign Babes to me...yes, the one with Hodgkin's. The one who BEAT Hodgkin's.
She is doing awesome...finishing up radiation, heading off to Venice in May to do an internship at the Peggy Guggenheim Museum. Such a rockstar.

Anyways, Al went to NYU, so naturally she had all these cool professors with rad worldly stories to impress upon young minds.

So she lent me Foreign Babes in Beijing by one of them, Rachel DeWoskin.



In a nutshell: it's Sex and the City meets The Office meets Lost in Translation.

Adventure is synonymous with life for DeWoskin- she grew up being tucked in with Goodnight Moon on trains throughout the Chinese countryside.

Her family bases themselves in Minnesota, and for college, it's off to Columbia, then immediately to China. (Today, DeWoskin splits her time between Manhattan and Beijing.)

She wanders around Beijing and China to find herself, but because of her background, it's a sort of 'coming home' in a sense.

Foreign Babes is a quirky, insightful, and self-deprecatingly humorous, and ultimately a neat insider's view to 1990s Beijing: a city struggling with young streaks of modernism while still rife with suspicion over the infiltration of Western ideals.

DeWoskin's title is the life and the soap opera she finds herself starring in. Literally. She becomes an overnight star to 600 million.

She has consistent insights comparing her life to her on-screen character Jiexi's, who like Beijing has an identity crisis centered around themes of tradition, sacrifice, love and opportunity.

DeWoskin's descriptions resonate through you: you can taste the hotpot, feel the wind of fellow bicycling commuter comrades pedaling along through gray industrial Beijing, chuckle at her apartment building's 'elevator schedule' ...to the point where you wonder if she is some sort of Master diplomat-slash-expatriate, where every cultural rift simply contains no irritation or fascination, like water off her own duck-lo-mein back.

Finally, she admits she never gets over the culture shock... the essence of what I perceive as that mystical Asiatic allure I have yet to personally experience.

Top it off with humorous conversations with fellow expats, as well as insightful commentary and surprising humor from the locals DeWoskin befriends, and you have a great cultural-type autobiography of sorts.

Pixie Dust Personified

So remember how I've been calling New Zealand 'Neverland' since April?

Oh yeah, no big deal,

but I found out my NZ roommate was PETER PAN for Halloween.


If this is not the pixie dust on top of this holiday in the sun (and rain, apparently), then I don't know what is!

the stuff of blogging ubiquity

Here I go with "letters" to things in my life. These were actually really fun to do.

Dear holiday in the sun for the next 6+ months,
Come into these loving arms! Best idea ever!

Dear Courtney, Ray, Ty, Brooke (and Trent?),
Can't wait to partake of Mary-Kate and Ashley (plus vintage Megan Fox) goodness together with our fams. Most hilarious Christmas tradition!!!
(PS These two videos (here and here) are MONEY)

Dear Neverland,
I will see you soon! But not before Hawaii with the fam...I know, I know, I would hate me too...

Dear Cabela's,
Thanks for providing me gear for Neverland. Frankly, I was terrified when I walked in, as your patrons and crevasses of retail space ooze all attitudes pro-NRA, pro-wearing camouflage-for-daywear, pro-Sarah Palin, pro-let's drive-V-12-monster-trucks-just-because-we-can, all of which I am scared of.
And I'm going to keep that preposition dangled.

Dear New York,
My heart still aches for you. Every day. And especially now at Christmastime, when so many of my friends have been taking trips to see you. Just thought I'd let you know.

Dear Places,
I am so glad I can fall in love with you because when I do, you never let me down. The healthiest open relationship I will ever have.

Dear life,
THIS NEXT CHAPTER IS SO EXCITING THAT IT WARRANTS CAPS. ARE YOU EXCITED?! BECAUSE I AM!

Dear Utah,
As a whole, you weren't terrible, but you weren't great either. But this semester, you really killed my soul. Frankly, I'm planning on never seeing you again! Sianara.

Dear Lord of the Rings DVDs,
Get ready for some quality time together this Christmas...

Dear mind,
I put you through a lot. You are my biggest trial, and also what I am afraid of losing most. I hope by that time I will be carefree enough to slip peacefully into old age.

Dear Awkward Man (boy)?
I am not revealing anything else about our flirty date (?) last weekend because I still can't wrap my head around how awkward you were when we parted ways. Like, I am sorry for you, your awkwardness and presumable other issues. Why are you so good on paper?

Dear 6-inches of shorn hair,
I don't miss you! I am enjoying my long bob.

Dear Mom,
You are so funny for looking up the Samsonite Trolley Suitcase. You love me so much, that you would spend time on the phone with their customer service only to find out it is not sold in the USA yet. Love you, Charita!

Dear Ray Flyer,
Your text to me about kitchen dance parties made my day. I can't wait.


Dear bank of vocabulary,
I can palpably feel you waning right now, much so. I apologize, much. This semester was busy and I didn't have time to read much. I feel like I've much regressed, but all will be ok again after a book or two (one can never read too much). Much is an ugly word, used incorrectly much of the time.

xoxo

I'm grateful for...

Southwest Airlines, who free-of-charge (actually, put me $20 in the green!), gave me an extra 2 days of Thanksgiving holiday when I impulsively decided a few hours before my Sunday evening flight that I could not leave California just yet...

And among many other things, Courtney aka Sandra (as in Day O'Connor), for turning in a paper for me today.

I even thought up a short ballad parody about her yesterday, to the tune of that African song WASPy folk (me included, of course) pass off as elementary cultural experience:

Day O' [as in Sandra Day O'Connor]

Me say Dayyy O'

Deadline come and me wan' stay home.

Coloring my world

In efforts to thwart my Provo boredom and numb myself from my undesirable situation, I've been spending lots of time with new people met in random ways. (For me, happiness here takes work.)

It's been really wonderful, and even though I won't be here for much longer, I'm one of those people who always wants to keep in touch with people I have come to love here.

I'm remembering when I felt and looked like this over the summer, and right about now I wish I were in New Hampshire playing tennis, waterskiing, and listening to Stevie Wonder on repeat...ah, summer days of yore...

Anyway, thanks to friends old and new, near and far, for coloring my world vibrant.
I love you all.

photo via here via siovhan

Miming the law

I'm going to miss giggling about 'prudery,' 'blushing' and M's new stand-up miming career...
"Your hand movements need to be sharper," he said to me as I laughed my way through imitating him.

...while Dr. Ed rambles on about voyeurism (?) ...

(My laugh sounds like chalkboard fingernails. sorry.)

Mind blowing

Too often recently, I've gotten bogged down by how competitive our world has become.

Then at a family dinner this past weekend, words came out of my mouth from nowhere how excited I was at the unlimited possibilities in front of me.
(A lesson in attitude.)

The stream of facts in this video are mind blowing.
I know, I say a lot of things are 'mind-blowing' but seriously, this time I'm serious ;)

The future is overwhelming, but oh-so exciting!



Thanks to the cutest scientist in the world, Krystyna! xo


In other news, I received 2 blog awards from my new Provhoe girl crush, Meg.


I recall a post I read once (can't remember where! dang) that questioned where the H blog awards come from and what their purpose serves...
but you know what, it's still midterms time and I will take any positivity I can get! Thank you sweetheart!

So do I pass them off or something? Ok...

1) To Chelsea Talks Smack...because she's clever and angst-y, and I dig that.

2) To Turralurr...because Chipman Hall 3219 is where it was at 4 years ago. One of my first great memories was when she, an upstate NY native, properly stymied my excitement at the first snowfall of Fall 2005, as she fell over laughing at my "Is this a blizzard?!" query.

3) To Alli- my very first friend down when we lived at the beach...(I had a CHARMED childhood). When she was at NYU, she worked at a really swank hotel, once delivering a steak to Snoop Dogg's room at 3AM. Now she courageously chronicles her battle with cancer.
Please send her love and prayers.

4) To Courtney Elle...we were actually baptized together on the same day way back when (along with Kristen who is serving a mission in Mongolia)...and we're going to live in Hawaii together next year. Love her!!!

5) Paige. Because she's the definition of precious with her ample use of the word 'precious' and I feel terrible I haven't been to two of her parties this semester. AH.

6) Martha. We've kind of woven in and out of each others lives since fall of freshman year, when she was living with my beach volleyball buddy friend Tresa. I like her mind.

And all of my Comms friends (@courtney, @kate, @sponge, @mle, @rica, @yecart, @lumanizer, @siovhan, ETC), consider yourself also knighted.

Actually, everyone who is still reading this post, please feel free to take! I hate excluding people. XO

The highest form of flattery

I'm always working on the lifelong journey of not being validated by the world...suffice to say, it's difficult.

but surely admission to being positively validated externally is healthier than denying it?? At least for now, when I'm not Eat-Pray-Love-amped-on-nirvana-24/7 yet? (Oh, shoot, now I'm self-comparing...)

Eek, I hope.

Remember when I was featured by Siovhan? Read this to discover one of my funny quirks...

It's kind of nice to know people think you're alright, even when you're leaning over the kitchen sink performing a saline sinus cleanout on yourself...

(I will spare you further details.)

For my beloved newsroom nerds

I wouldn't have made it through the Provo experience without my Brimhall building buddies.

Alliteration aside, Comms kids are the coolest on campus.


With thanks to @hugasponge...I think these should be required 321 uniform.



Shop here.

La Mallorquina en mi cocina

Even though I think Crescent Rolls would be better jazzed up with more salty savory accoutrements (olive oil and garlic, thyme, rosemary perhaps?)...


I made Nutella 'Croissants' that looked like this yesterday.

And it took about 30 seconds to make, 10 minutes to bake. (Beat that, Rachael Ray.)

It was my roommate's first experience with Nutella (success).

And though I have to say, I longed for my favorite Napolitana de Chocolate from La Mallorquina in Madrid (my mom and I went 3 times in our less than 2 days there at the end of my study abroad) ...mine were a pretty bomb American substitute.

(Best 1 Euro spent in all Europe. Photo via here)

My roomie/"esposa" Sarah and me in front of La Mallorquina.

Our faces (and thighs?) were so round by the end of study abroad! hehe

Come over and be fed.

Keep calm, carry on, and be cool

Okay, so I am having massive doubts about being Lady Gaga for Halloween (the jig is up)...

(photo via NYT)

My goal was hilarity, but I am afraid it will be a big flop and no one will understand the depth of hot mess I set out to portray. A bad sign was when one of my most up-to-date fashionista friends could not recall THE bubble outfit until I showed her the above.

I think I will just be a chic bunny, instead? I mean, rabbit ears are in vogue too right now!

photo via here

and via here

Also, speaking of les Parisienes ...
I am bursting at the seams wanting to recap the following story about my cousin who is studying abroad there ...
Because of her desired anonymity, I will share the bare minimum, yet still enough to make us all swoon and sigh.

Basically, a really cute boy (who is in lurrrve with her) flew to Paris for the weekend...

because he missed her.


They aren't even "dating" (yet...no pressure!) but had a magical time.

Je suis jaloux.

I Skyped with her for 45 minutes today for the details when I maybe should have been studying, and for the rest of the day, I was grinning.

Sometimes I really don't know why I'm so cool! Je nais se qois, anyone? ;)

xoxo